the_skoth

Love Is

love is pain,
love is loosing yourself and becoming one with another person
love is sacrifice
love is never giving up
love is fighting
love is averwelming
love is eternal
love is more than a word, its a way you live
love is giving your haert compleatly to some one else
love is change

i will never let my self love again
i will never let my self be weekend again
i will never ler my self be hurt again
i will never hold you again


Grace

i fall from grace
grace of a god i no longer belive in
i belive in pain now
oi will embrace pain
i will become pain

a craked soul full of woe
a deselote wasteland
black swirling spiderwebs cover me now
twisting eating and destroying what is was

i will become war, pain and anger
let it be what i am
let it be me
i know not what i am now but alone

shatered by the one thing that helped me
the one thing i cared for
destroyed and betrayed

there is a darknes deep in you
a frightning magic i cling to
i will one day gaze on your face
but nver hold you tight

i will i must carry on
but as what and as who

its the little things that hurt the most on her LJ she say he helped her thrue a load of stuff and that she felt safe, thast what she sayed to me , makes me wonder has she sayed that to every one, was i not special.



but any way iv decided to strat writing again so here gose, dont know if this iwll be a poem or a song, its just it.

lite turns to darkness with the flick of a swithch
the tests of life leave me in bits

torn up, twisted
made of somthing
made of a darkenes that fills me always

I AM i am i always have been but i dont know what it is
i was i will be but i dont know how

With life gone and darknes coming
all the things i planed for gone
all the dreams at my feet one more time

stronger or weeker i just dont know
happy or sad i just cant tell

torn up, twisted
made of somthing
made of darknes that fills me always

I AM i am i always have been but i dont know what it is
i was i will be but i dont know how

a fealing of linelynes a feling of loss
a dark damp atmospjere follows me now
your gone im here in the end its all the same
life gose on for better or worse

torn up, twisted
made of somthing
made of darknes that fills me always

I AM i am i always have been but i dont know what it is
i was i will be but i dont know how

no longer will i be shat on by fake frinds and shitty women, so here is what im gonna do, im gonna embrace the monster inside that i have been fighting for years and make him me give myself over to my anger and rage and see where that leads cause fighting it has not helped, i have a score of failed relationships and broken friendships to show so now NO FUCKING more.

i am gonna do things with my life i have always wanted to do i have a 6month plan and by the end of it, we can all see if i have the faith and convictions to carry on the fight.

1. start getting up 1 hour beffor work - exercise and shower
2. take up Xtreem sports(snowboarding mainly and skydiving), hey you never know i may die
3. start to live life at the pace i was used to, fucking fly thrue my 20's at subsonic speed.
4. the hardest, find a girl who understands me, some one who can take me for who i am day to day, i am a polar person and none of my previouse GF's have been able to cope with that.
5. Form the band i have always wanted to (any aplicants please e-mail me)
6. make a list similar to the one from my name is *damn cant remember*....earl thats it, but both ways, one of revenge and one of repentace.
7. get my cloaths buisnes started.
8. ROCK AND ROLL!!

so then what do people think, please commet and tell me

Here are some song lyrics to explain how i feal right now

"Push"

he said I don't know if I've ever been good enough
I'm a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved
By a hand that's touched me, well I feel like something's
Gonna give
And I'm a little bit angry, well

This ain't over, no not here, not while I still need you
Around
You don't owe me, we might change
Yeah we just might feel good

[chorus]

I wanna push you around, well I will, I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, I will
I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted
Well I will

he said I don't know why you ever would lie to me
Like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is
Gonna hurt ya
And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me
You couldn't stand to be near me
When my face don't seem to want to shine
Cuz it's a little bit dirty well

Don't just stand there, say nice things to me
I've been cheated I've been wronged, and you
You don't know me, I can't change
I won't do anything at all

[chorus]

Oh but don't bowl me over
Just wait a minute well it kinda fell apart, things get so
Crazy, crazy
Don't rush this baby, don't rush this baby

[chorus]




The Chemicals Between US Lyrics



I want you to remember
A love so full it could send us all ways
I want you to surrender
All my feelings rose today
And I want you to remain
The power of children can amaze
I'll try not to complain
I know that's a pisser baby

The chemicals between us
The walls that lie between us
Lying in this bed
The chemicals displaced
There is no lonlier place
Than lying in this bed

I want you to remember
Everything you said
Every driven word
Like a hammer, hell, to my head

The chemicals between us
There is no lonlier place
Then lying in this bed
The chemicals displaced
There is no lonlier place
Than lying in this bed

The chemicals between us
The chemicals between us
Lying in this bed

We're of the hollow men
We are the naked ones
We never meant you harm
Never meant you wrong
I'd like to thank
All of my lovers, lovers, lovers

The chemicals between us
The army of achievers
Lying in this bed
The chemicals displaced
There is no lonlier face
Than lying in this bed

The chemicals between us
The chemicals between us
The chemicals

The chemicals between us



AND


Winter Song Lyrics



The Wind is freezin all around
Dirty snow keeps falling down

Im still here and you are gone
The city is cold and winter has come

Ooh gone ooh gone all winter long
Ooh gone ooh gone all winter long

Im running down the icey streets
Trying to catch the last ??

Stumbling on my tired feet
Chasing down the summer street

Ooh gone ooh gone all winter long
Ooh gone ooh gone all winter long

The Wind is freezin all around
Dirty snow keeps falling down

Im still here and you are gone
The city is cold and winter has come

Ohh gone ohh gone all winter long
Ohh gone ohh gone all winter long

Ohh gone ohh gone all winter long
Ohh gone ohh gone all winter long

It has just come to my atention after a conversation with my ex, that she infact loved me enough to sleep with a friend of mine the day after spliting up with me. a guy she has met 2 mayby 3 times ever and she sleeps with him. yeah so she so ment all those things about loving me. well lets move on, i tell you what i need is a girl with as big a personality as me, some one i can just reek havok with. as iv said once beffor. some one i can be a force of nature with.

marie ann stevenson is here by added to the list of wommen who are TOTAL biatched, i may stay friends with her, kinda would like to but hey no great lost there

SO LADIES LADIES LADIES, robin is back in the game....lock up your daughters, seel in your mothers and hide your grannys. ROBIN OLIVER WINDON is back and ready to KICK ASS AND TAKE NAMES

HUYAHHHH!!!!!!

I whent away this week end for coolnes in york, the cam uk national event, when i came back with loads to tell my Angel. i walked in to find her gone, abandoned me left because of a lie, a misunderstanding. and now im dead inside lost to the world my love has left me alone the woman i whant to be with the woman i love more than anything in the entire wolrd has just left me and i dont know if ill ever see her or hear her soft and gentle voice again let alone lie and hold her.

My world was broken apart in minuets and now i am just a shell nothing more than a shadow of a man, the words from a song come to mind "iv always been a fighter, but with out you i give up" they ring true for me, with out my Marie i am nothing she has given me so much strength over the last year i am a better man.

I cant cope with responsibility well but with her help i was learning.

But im going to fight im going to keep going, im going to find her and tell her its all wrong its not true, i love her SO MUCH i love her more than any one has loved anything ever, she is my world my everything she holds my heart in her hands.

I will find her i have to try i love you marie its not true what you think i love you so very very much and please please please come home ill do anything, you mean the world to me.

im sat here crying so hard it hurts and i just want it to hurt outside notinside, and i guess i should thank emu boy for bluntening every thing sharp i own.

im falling so hard, i just wanna stop hurting i just wanna curl up in a ball and end it just let it all fade to back.

i just wanna be happy like i was evcery time i looked at her, every time we were together. it feals like im gone. iv felt like this beffor but not like this its just empty apart from pain, i cna hardly breath it hurts so much

GOD WHY PELASE GOD WHY, WHAT HAVE I DONE PELASE WHY

can some one just tell me whats wrong with me why i alwasy push them away why please.

its not fair its not fair

Well after a year it looks like me and marie are over, i dont know what to do i love her so much i love her with everything i am but i just cant keep letting her just sit and do nothign she is making my friends mad and me mad, but then i love her, its a nasty conumdrom. so i follow my heart that says do what ever it takes to get her back or do i follow my head that says love shoud not be such a chore, i dunno.

i just wish there was some way to know some way to see what was going on in her mind to see what was wrong and fix it, i just dont know. but having her say the things she said to me the other day i just dont know.

Dose she realy love me or is it just the fact i could save her that made her think that i dunno im so godam confused and its killing me.

On an up side i could have a realy cool job working for a spanish company.


well ill sighn of again and i bet ill be back on a little more now

Peace out
V

well life is lets say hectic these days and my job is going well i guess

Well following is a cam rant please do not read if you dont wanna know

Im sat here thinking about vamp and i cant actualy see the point much anymore there is no fun to be had in the game at the sec just crap after crap, no plot to get any of the kindred working together no need for coteries the basic foundation of vampire. i have to cope with shit fter shit and im tired and bored of, a game is suposed to be fun not hastle and thats all it is at the seacond hastle just findonng it realy hard.

that sounds a little harsh, i guess i do enjoy myself sometimes and thats why i keep playing but it just seams its always an uphill strugle constant brick walls and pot holes, nt what i whant from a game. i like working with people, i just wanna be in somthing together ant thats why me and marie work so well together cause we like the cotery side of things working with other vamps and other cha's

well were to start me and the mrs are a little homels right now and saide is with her farther, i have yet again got myself in deeper than i know how to get out but i have the support of a good woman, life in nottingham is just the right pace for me so thats cool my life seams to make sence here and i am realy happy if a little stressed.

a little upset cause someone i thought was a good mate read some of my old journal entries and now is not realy talking to me i thought we had sorted eveyrthing out, she had helped me and been so kind afterwards i thought it was all cool but i guess bad memories never realy leave you....well you know who u are so i will say sorry again. sorry i missed you when you came to rock city i was looking for you to introduce you to people.

 

 well i guess im trying to make amends for all the shity things iv done in the past i have so much in my head i wanna make it all a little better by sorting old problems out cause iv grown up aloty in a very short amount of time so i wanna get rid of all the old me problems and just get on with life. Mace or nikoli if you read this im sorry if you have tried to txt me byut i have no phone right now i wanna get in contact but have no way of doing so, so if you wanna drop mean e-mail that would be cool mogz i miss you and hope you are ok goto get down to see yopu soon witch brings me to a big point, a return to the borough im thinking of coming down soon cause i wanna see everyone again and see what has changed in my absence so be warned the tubby bearded one will soon reapear, well dont know what ealse to put so i will sighn of and say see you all soon

Peace out V

Well everyone hello and good morning it is i robin returned once more to the digital highway, once again letting you people know im alive. so then what has changed!!! well i live in nottingham again, i have a new lady in my life, marie my fiance we are due to get married next year some time, she has a lovely little daughter called sadie 9 months old who already looks to me as her farther, i am so happy. other things not realy much to say, im starting to find myself and thats kinda cool, im just on the brink of starting my own buisnes so im stoked about that and i also have darker plans in action!!!

well dunno what ealse to put so i guess
peace out
robin

...On the good stuff and tell the world about my little babe, Anna

She is fantastic, she has a body to die for, all the right curves in the right places:)
she is funny and caring, she seams to realy like me, 6 hours and already we were ready to commit to each other, oviosly not a comitment phobe like other people, she makes me laugh and smile with here weirdnes, she smokes so dosent mind me smoking she dables in the happy stuff witch is nice so me and her can do em together, we talked about my temper and she said aslong as i never hit her she would be cool with it and try and help me out when i got angry, she is the sweetest girl ever she got all exited about the prospect of me coming and staying with her one night when she moves into her place and the prospect of making me cheasy scrambled eggs (WITCH RULE) it was so nice to see some one get so exited about the prospect of spending time with me, she is a lite in a dark time. i just hope i can do right by her and make her happy.


just thining about seing her again is enought to calm me down cause i dont whant all my shit to interfear with me and her cause i think me and her could have alot of fun together!!

post your name here and ill tell you what i realy think of you, thanx for the idea Lightmare hope you dont mind me nicking it!!

Story of the year - Razorblades

Yeah, Yeah
Walking example of you
Wait for the silence
Talking backwards to you
It meant nothing to me
Watching the world fall on you
I'm keeping my eyes closed
Now I can see what this means to you
It meant nothing to me

[Chorus]
This wasted so many nights and again
I've wasted so much time on a friend
Too young, too proud to understand
So this is the end

Perfect timing for you
You'll run 'til your legs break
So here's my reminder of you
It meant nothing to me

[Chorus]
This wasted so many nights and again
I've wasted so much time on a friend
Too young, too proud to understand
So this is the end...GO!

We should've seen this coming
We should've seen this...
YEAH! YEAH!

[Chorus x2]
This wasted so many nights and again
I've wasted so much time on a friend
Too young, too proud to understand
So this is the end

YEAH! This is the END!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Story of the year - burning Years

It's not what you will say, it's what you have done
to let this come between us.
You're right, without a fight.
This might be worth it to you, and in the process gotten to me.

I think that nothing can fly with this broken wing.
There's so much to hold onto now.
Nothing can fly with this broken wing,
so here's a gift, in this feather.

You've gone too far. I'm standing alone.
Let's sort this out together.
You're right, without a fight.
It might be worth it to you, but I can't take this anymore.

I think that nothing can fly with this broken wing.
There's so much to hold on to now.
Nothing can fly with this broken wing,
so here's a gift, in this feather.

From this house of our friendship,
shut the door and light the match.
Throw behind you, walk away. (You burn it down, you burn it down!)
These ashes
These ashes
These ashes burn.

I think that nothing can fly with this broken wing.
There's so much to hold on to now.
Nothing can fly with this broken wing,
so here's a gift, in this feather.
Nothing can fly with this broken wing,
so here's a gift, in this feather.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Slipknot - (SIC)

Since you never gave a damn in the first place
Maybe it's time you had the tables turned
Cuz in the interest of all involved I got the problem solved
And the verdict is guilty...
...Man nearly killed me

Steppin' where you fear to tread
Stop, drop and roll - you were dead from the git-go!!
Big mouth fucker, stupid cocksucker!
Are you scared of me now? Then you're dumber than I thought
Always is, never was
Foundation made of piss and vinegar
Step to me, I'll smear ya - Think I fear ya? bullshit!
Just another dumb punk chompin' at this tit
Is there any way to break through the noise?
Was it something that I said that got you bent?
It's gotta be that way if you want it
Sanity, Literal Profanity hit me!

Spit it out (x2)

All you wanna do is drag me down
All I wanna do is stamp you out

Maybe it's the way you spread a lotta rumour fodder
Keepin' all your little spies and leavin' when you realise
Step up, fairy
I guess it's time to bury your ass with the chrome
Straight to the dome
You heard that right, bitch, I didn't stutter
If you know what's good - sit, shut up and beg, brother
Backstab - Don't you know who you're dissin'?
Side swipe - we know the ass that you're kissin'!
Bigidy - bigidy bitch boy, halfwat hauser
Can't hear shit cuz I keep gettin' louder
Step up, and you get a face full o' tactic
Lippin' off hard, goin' home in a basket
You got no pull, no power, no nuthin'
Now you start shit? Well, ain't that somethin'?
Payoffs don't protect, and you can't hide if you want
But I'll find you - Comin' up behind you!

Spit it out (x2)

All you wanna do is drag me down
All I wanna do is stamp you out

'Bout time I set this record straight
All the needlenose punchin' is makin' me irate
Sick o' my bitchin' fallin' on deaf ears
Where YOU gonna be in the next five years?
The crew and all the fools, and all the politix
Get your lips ready, gonna gag, gonna make you sick
You got dick when they passed out the good stuff
Bam
Are you sick of me? Good enough - had enough

Fuck me! I'm all out of enemies! (x7)

Fuck me! I'm all out of enemas!

Spit it out (x2)

All you wanna do is drag me down
All I wanna do is stamp you out
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Matchbox20 - push

She said I don't know if I've ever been good enough
I'm a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved
By a hand that's touched me, well I feel like something's
Gonna give
And I'm a little bit angry, well

This ain't over, no not here, not while I still need you
Around
You don't owe me, we might change
Yeah we just might feel good

I wanna push you around, I will, I will
I wanna push you down, I will, I will
I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted
I will

She said I don't know why you ever would lie to me
Like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is
Gonna hurt ya
And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me
You couldn't stand to be near me
When my face don't seem to want to shine
Cuz it's a little bit dirty well

Don't just stand there, say nice things to me
I've been cheated I've been wronged, and you
You don't know me, I can't change
I won't do anything at all

I wanna push you around, I will, I will
I wanna push you down, I will, I will
I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted
I will

Oh but don't bowl me over
Just wait a minute well it kinda fell apart, things get so
Crazy, crazy
Don't rush this baby, don't rush this baby

I wanna push you around, I will, I will
I wanna push you down, I will, I will
I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted
I will

Been listening to 3 days grace and theres this song called like you and it sounds like an argument that me and bre could have

Bre to me - I COULD BE MEAN, I COULD BE ANGRY, YOU KNOW I COULD JUST LIKE YOU

Me to bre - I COULD BE FAKE, I COULD BE STUPID, YOU KNOW I COULD BE JUST LIKE YOU

Me to bre - I COULD BE FAKE, I COULD BE STUPID, YOU KNOW I COULD BE JUST LIKE YOU

Bre to me - I COULD BE WEEK, I COULD BE SENSLESS, YOU KNOW I COULD BE JUST LIKE YOU

Both - YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE TO GUID, YOU WERE ONLY IN MY WAY, YOUR WRONG IF YOU THINK ILL BE JUST LIKE YOU!!

you should listen to that and also I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU bre at www.threedaysgrace.com there just a few of the songs that describe a little of how fucked my fealings towards toward you are,

the torent of emotion is fuckiing me up i thought it was ok and everytime i get myself straight i find out somthing more and my anger grows and i cant controll my head i feal like somone ealse is in controll and im just waching i think there is somthign wrong with me, i was reading a book the otherday on demonic posesion and it sounds like what this guy was describiung....could i be posesed or am i just being stupid...i dunno know all i do know is im not the same man as i was in nottingham i have changed in so many ways and i dont know why!!!

ELIJAY JUST LIKE I THOUGHT!!! if i see him again there is gonna be blood, guess i find out the truth to late sometime....one of is gonna get hurt and im not shure wich one!!!

"Wake Up"

I’m not sober all the time
You bring me down at least you try
Until we see this eye to eye
I don’t want you

I must be running out of luck
Cause you’re just not drunk enough to fuck
And now I’ve had it up to here
I don’t, I don’t want you

It took so long to see
You walked away from me
When I need you
Wake up I’m pounding on the door
I’m not the man I was before
Where the hell are you
When I need you
Wake up I’m pounding on the door
I won’t hurt you anymore
Where the hell are you
When I need you

I’m not angry all the time
You push me down at least you try
Until we see this eye to eye
I don’t want you

It took so long to see
You walked away from me
When I need you
Wake up I’m pounding on the door
I’m not the man I was before
Where the hell are you
When I need you
Wake up I’m pounding on the door
I won’t hurt you anymore
Where the hell are you
When I need you

It took so long to see
You walked away from me
When I need you

Wake up I’m pounding on the door
I’m not the man I was before
Where the hell are you
When I need you
Wake up I’m pounding on the door
I won’t hurt you anymore
Where the hell are you
When I need you

Mayby i should just let all this anger and pain out and let everyone know what i feal about them and stop looking out for people more than i look out formyself mayby i should think of me for onece!!!

FUCK IT!!!

i feal like im going crazy.......FUCK I DONT NEED THIS!!!

PEACE OUT
VELAN

I was extatic on monday and tuesday i had a perfect birthday fun was had by all involved i did my old nottingham trick and got mullered and met this great girl on monday and after only 6 hours of knowing each other we descided it was worth trying, so then tuesday came and i had a great time with my curry club mates and drank lots, my happines was shatered when cheergurl walked in oconnels with no warning at all, it just smashed all the work i had done to repair my heart and brought back all the fealing is feal for her it sucks, anna has been a little distant the last few days wich is a little sucky cause i could realy do with her so i know i am doing the right choise giving up on bre....90% of my friends hate her and would probably hate me if i got back with her but thats not important to me, whats important to me is my heart and bre could never give me what i whant she is american thrue and thrue and they work diffrent to us, but anna is gorgeouse and homely and the kinda gurl that would make a perfect partner and wife, were as bre would be more like a person i shared a house and a bed with and mayby had kids with, she has been warped by alot of things and has lost sight and belife in things like love and pasion to her everything is sexual she can get anythign she wants cause she is good looking and people fancy her and she knows it and used it she likes the atention and revels in people looking at her, anna on the other hand is a little shy and reserved so when i compliment her she is greatfull and she feal special cause not everyone dose it, even thiough she is gorgeouse she dosent act in a way that makes everyone look at her, when she dances she dances with me to the music not just in a way that will make people look at them!!

i care about anna so so so so much, she is great but bre is a little thorn in the side of my happines and heart and i still care about her and have to have her in my life i just dont know quite how ill deal yet, the weekend she left me was the aniversery of loosing my baby and thats hit me hard thats 2 women and 1 baby on the same weekend and i dunno i just hate this time of year but i guess i got one think to look forwad to next year if all gose toplan 20th december will be my bday and the 1 year aniversary of me and anna, i just need to find out why i still love bre and see if its a pride thing a residual thing or mayby it is the real deal i dunno and i need to find out soon!~

well laydys and gentle folk i need to go ring anna i hope hearing her voice will make things a little clearer....she is great and i realy care for her, i hope thats enough!!


Peace out
V

well sorry for not updating in a while but life has been on a bit of a downer!

Well like i said i got a job at O'Connells should be doing thuesday, wednesday, thursday and saturdays so that should be coolio!!

I just wish the dreams would go the ones i cant make out from real life you know the ones that you wake up and you have to go check to make shure, keep getting them about cheergurl!! ah well i used to get them with Canadagurl and babygurl aswell so i guess they will pass, still havent herd from cheergurl and dout i ever will again and i dont think i give a shit her loss in the end of the day she is the one with the fucking problem not me.

Anyhow, other things in my life, me and Stargurl are talking again so thats realy realy cool, just wish i could un ban her from here, oh well ill figure it out. just like tyhis godam game im trying to play on my pc i need newmonics help but he aint on damn him,

well curry club is now well and truly started and i am l33t so thats cool, and i have found one of the greatest beers ever BLANGLA, all together now

*Sung to the tune of i whant candy*
" I WHANT BANGLA, I KNOW A BEER THATS STRONGH AND SWEET AND I CAN GET IT DOWN THAT STREET, I WHANT BANGLA"

anyway sorry you kinda had to be there......


well what more...i cant think im shure things have happened i just cant think at the sec, i need a cigerett!!!

Ahhh thats better i am now smoking....after a quick run to the shop!!

i got an xbox and a ps2 now so thats cool, got adicted to fable and dnd heros, so been playing them till cunt o'clock in the morning most nights, Blody light plate legins i cant find em anywere!!!

Help me londoner, i need to find em!!


well what ealse been getting realy into my music recently been asked to co-write/perform a few songs by a few people and am now looking to start my own band, so that should be fun see if i can actualy get this one of the ground, so need a new name unless mace is in it to then we can be firez kills children again.


well cant think of much more to put
so
Peace out
V

Ps any one not on facewhore already
http://www.profilenation.com/pages/signup.asp?promo=22866
Join its fun

Well traling my computer i found a conversation that i had had with bre and read it and found this

Breana says:
aww robin

Im a badassb-boy2000 says:
yes angel

Breana says:
you should of stayed in my closet

Im a badassb-boy2000 says:
i wish i had

Breana says:
stay with me forever

Im a badassb-boy2000 says:
i will do angel

Breana says:
or until you get bored of me that is

.......................................
I wish she had ment that, well ill write again when i have somthing to say and i can type properly
.......................................
Well in the words of story of the year,

Untill the day i die ill spill my heart for you!!

peace out
V

a little note to let u know i am still alive.

The bottles keep getting bigger and easier to drink, the cuts keep getting deeper and harder to heal.

i miss her and its driving me insain the dreams keep me awake and the memorys drive me to sleep and oblivion, well i got a job at o'connells last night wich was wicked, but it all seams a little hollow woth out her.....and i havent herd from her since sunday when her family found out everything she has done in the last 2 years.....wich aint predy i can say that.

well im of for an interview day at GW and hope fully a keytime job there and a job at o'connells would mayby turn my life over a little? well we will see.......If i make it that long!

Peace out
V

Ps i love you angel if you read this and im worried sick

Well after friday im lucky bre is even talking to me, let alone not tryiong to kill me. well i wont go into detail cause it dosent need to be gone into but my life sucks and well i told bre i would do somthing and well i still reacon i will do it....my life with out that girl is shit and pointless nothing but a slog and menotomos trudge feals like im in thick mud and im sinking....i have 3 ways out....1)find some way for her to take me back, 2) Find some way to get myself killed, 3)Run away and never look back.

she will never sleep in our bed again and i will never hold her again i just want to make her life good i just wanna be there for her but she is afraid of me...yes i have a temper and when i loose it it is bad but i never loose it with people unless they have pushed me to far a little like friday, i would never lose it with some one who was trying who was there, just some one who turned there back on me someone who was bein un just and selfish, i wish i knew where it comes from and i think im starting to figure it out.....iv never been able to belive in all that much and wehenever i start to belive it all falls apart i think im angry cause im never given a fair chance im always judged on things that arent totaly me just a small part of me and i hate it i hate the world thats made it and i hate the people that do it....why is it ok for one person to hurt another person to make thenselfves feal better its not, i know iv done it but why do we perpetuate this pain this anger and greed why do we always live in the fear that some one can take so much away from us why is nothigng true why do people lie and cheat, especialy lie why do it why not tell the trueth and be vertuouse, why not be yourself why not open your self up and be proud of things dont hide behind half truths and lies.

I am robin Windon i am male and i am gonna be ok, i wish i could rest easy on that knowlage but i cant cause i dont belive i will be ok....yeah im robin yeah im male but this world living in this world i will never be alright.

Bre here is a little somthing for you

I am sorry angel sorry for everything i have done, everything that has hurt you, everything that has made you not happy, but i am me i am human and i make bad desisions. i will never forgive myself for it all i can only hope you and god can, i would and will do anything to be with you again and if asked or given the chance will, but i cannot promis how long i will be here, all i hope is it is long enough to make somthing good outa this fucked up world, and once again hold an angel


All my friends this is for you

Thank you for everythign you have ever done and all you have put up with, i just hope that i can give you this back one day whow ever difficult i hope i am always in your minds and hearts as you are in mine, wiht out you i would not have got this far, but i have come to this understanding that we can make things better for each other and make things ok but we cannot ever no matter how hard we try fight of each others deamons we will always be fighting a loosing battle and that hurts.....i am a man who has little to offer but all i have i do so now to all my friends...call on me any time anyplace for anythign and if it is within my power i will do it...and if i run know i will always think of you and always wonder what you are up to and how you are

To the world i say FUCK YOU... iv had my time playing by your rules by your examples its time for me to forge a new way of life MY WAY OF LIFE for myself and life it its time i could say

I am robin windon i am male and i AM OK!!!!!

i will breack all the rules and make my own life i will be happy or i will die trying this is my promiss to the world i will be I i will not surender my soul to your sick jokes and kickes in the face i will handle them an turn them around i can do anythign with the friends i have behind me as they can do anythign aswell.....i have one missing piece to my puzzle but that will remain lost for ever....atleast unlike so many i know what it is i have lost and know not to try and seek it as i will just fail...i am a man who knows where the emptines comes from i am a man who will just have to make everythign ealse good so it drouns out the pain from this the only problem is that this is the bigest pain a man can have and it will take a lot to heal.....i just hope i am strong enonough to last that long

Peace out
Robin Oliver windon